With Orla being out with her injury over the past 8 weeks, it has definately given me more alone time to sit back & reflect & really take a look at the equestrian world, and the innuendos that surround it. With that in mind we have had encounters with a numerous amounts of different equestrians over the years…
Keep scrolling to have a read, share them & tag your friends! Guaranteed to give some of you a giggle, whilst some of you may sit back wondering if you are in fact one of the below in question….
The “Has more money than sense”
Also known as the “label snob”. Lets not all lie to ourselves here, we know every yard has one if not a flock of these floating around and quite frankly who doesn’t wish they had their bank account to go wild on all those posh fancy horsey brands? They can be mainly seen with matchy numnahs & fly veils, tack worth more than a small mortgage & clothing as expensive as that new car you wish you had! Always seen frolicking around in their €200+ pair of jodhpurs, but be warned you will be judged if you mention you got a pair on sale for under €30, like Eww, who wears cheap riding clothes anyways?
The “ Blogger”
Well, how annoying are they! Come on, everyone thinks it!! These days every second Mary & Jo want to venture into the blogging scene, well it comes with a few consequences. If spotted around an equestrian blogger be prepared to turn into a professional photographer, videographer, personal assistant, groom…. the list goes on! Known for their use of common slang words slurring from their mouths 24/7 such as, take that again, stand at a different angle, follow our Insta with the ever so popular “Its for the blog” being one of the most annoying sentence finishers guaranteed to give people an eye roll. Once a blogger calms down & realises they are just as normal as the rest of us, they are often just normal down to earth people!
The “ Know it all”
Let’s just start this one by saying that google does not have the answers to everything…. Most “Know it all” equestrians can be seen with every single piece of experimental equestrian equipment because well google told them they needed it… Instead of listening to proper advice from the mythological creatures know as old school equestrians with years of experience & knowledge, they turn to apps, pretentious books & the world wide web to solve their problems. Can often be seen scattering & having episodes in the yard when google doesn’t turn out to be correct…. shock horror!!
The Kris Jenner of the equestrian world. Go to a show with a momager, and you won’t need to lift a finger. Anyone with a yard momager around should count their blessings, they come to shows they take videos, pictures, help tack your horse… some can even be seen on the sidelines of the dressage ring trotting out the test for you as you ride it. On the rare occasion you will see a manager go Crazy at fellow competitors, this is normal, if seen just ignore & walk away. Momager’s are a protective species & will do anything for their competition riders…. Do not cross a Momager!
The “Wreck The Head”
Being in the horse world can have some consequences, it opens up the doors to some crazy, weird & wonderful personalities, some that you certainly won’t find down the aisle in your local Tesco! Have you ever gone to the yard or a show to be greeted by that one person who you spend hours trying to get away from? The mute button is non existent but to make things worse these equestrians are all “me,me,me”! They can be tough work but avoiding them makes it worse! They are spotted always lurking around scoping out that weak nice polite equestrian, but beware of these cling on’s, they can cause that essential horsey drama, my words of advice, be polite acknowledge them but never trust them!
The “Phantom Pooper”
The mystery of the yard shitter will always live on…. every yard has that same policy, the signs splattered everywhere, “pick up your poop” but every yard has that scatter brain that thinks they will get away with not having to poop & scoop. But be careful, as much as you think your getting away with it, EVERYONE knows who you are… your name is muttered anytime someone mentions poop. So just build that bridge, pick up the scoopey poopey and pick your shittttt!
The “ Accident Prone Rider”
Rides that one time & ends up in hospital for 6 months…. Some people just don’t have luck on their side when it comes to horses, but then again some of these riders are dare devils who think they are invincible! These riders can mainly be found out at hunter trials, hunting, or basically trying to train their horse to fly on command! Always seen having the best craic in the yard, living life to the fullest, not the worst person to have on your team, A Guaranteed day full of lol’s, we all secretly wish we had some of their fearless thinking!
The “Horse Whisperer”
Ever find yourself in that situation when your horse is just being a f*!kbag? Well, welcome to young horse world, your application has been successful! Make sure to source out the magic sorcery of the “man that rides horses for a living” when you move to a new yard, you will not turn back once you find this human. They can solve all problems, well horse related anyways! Some people wonder if they have the abilites of Dr. Doolittle, can they talk to animals? How do they get them to do good things? No one knows, no one asks questions, simply hand the horse over to be returned with a relatively back to normal horse hours or days later….
The “Worry Worm”
Well, the worry worm what can I say if you ever need a plaster they are the people that will pull out the worlds best & biggest first aid kit known to man. Be careful tho, one slight graze on their horses leg & expect the world to turn upside down. The vet will be called within minutes, the physio, the farrier you name it anything for their precious little darlings. Basically if they could wrap their horse up in bubble wrap they would! Yard owners beware, expect your phone to go off in the middle of the night with that “I had a dream something happened to my horse can you check on them & send me a pic please” text, don’t say you weren’t warned….!!
Well there you have it, And yes I know what your thinking is that one me? Well no, lets all sit back & embrace that we have all been one of the above at some stage in our equestrian lives, embrace it!
Without these personalities the equestrian world just wouldn’t be the same!
Thanks for reading, Share, comment & let me know what you think in the comments below, or if I have missed any core personalities! Better again, tag your friends to let them know there personalities have made the list!!